Inside the Stomach of the Death God
by Corselli
Summary: We all know that the price that the Yondaime payed when he sealed the Kyuubi in Naruto was that he had to spend the rest of eternity in the Death God's stomach. Well, after 12 years of going insane and returning to sanity, he wants out. slightAU oneshot


**I have absolutely no idea where this came from. Seriously. I meant to start writing the second chapter of either The Missing Hokage Challenge or In His Shadow… but I didn't expect this. It just kind of spilled out of me. Then again, I'm supposed to doing my English homework…**

**I do not own Naruto; or more specifically, Namikaze Minato.**

Minato was tired of sitting in the stomach of the death God. There was no one to talk to _at all_. The Death God, being a god, didn't eat anything (except the occasional soul that was willing to give itself up for the sake of its village by using a specific sealing technique, and those people were rather rare), so there wasn't even anything interesting to do.

Out of habit, he measured the approximate diameter of his oddly shaped prison. It was 10 meters (32.8 feet) at the smallest point, 12 meters (39.4 feet) at the longest point. The ceiling was about 6.5 meters (21.3 feet) high, excluding the weird opening that connected to the god's mouth.

Minato's point of entry, the only way in or out of the odd room, was on the ceiling. And it creeped Minato out. When it was closed, you could see five thick reddish-flesh colored fins. They withdrew into the wall they were connected to when the thing opened, and when it closed the came back out and met at their points in the center.

The rest of the room was rather slick. The walls looked like the inside of a man's cheek- varying shades of pink and red that were slick, but was slightly rougher than what he had expected it to be. It was impossible to climb without chakra, which Minato discovered he lacked. He counted the number of some dark colored fist sized lumps in the organic-like cage that reminded him of moles, keeping a mental tab on them. There were 42, and they could be his ticket out.

It had disgusted Minato at first, but after a couple of hours Minato was used to his cage. But he was pissed. Not because of the disgusting, flesh like prison that he was stuck in, but the fact that he couldn't sleep.

After a couple of hours within the Death God's stomach, Minato decided that he would try to get some sleep. He obviously couldn't get his hands on some sake, but he hoped that by sleeping he would be able to escape the horrible prison. So he lay down, closed his eyes, and let his mind wander.

5 minutes passed, deliberately slow.

Minato's eyes opened. Why wasn't he falling asleep?! After such an event as sealing the goddamn Kyuubi no Kitsune, he should be exhausted! He furiously shut his eyes, thinking of his wife Kushina and how beautiful she was.

10 more minutes passed just like the first five. Then an hour. And another. Another 2 hours had gone by.

Finally, Minato screamed. Why couldn't he sleep!?

_**Because you are a spirit, mortal. Spirit's do not need sleep.**_

Minato looked up. "Who said that?"

No one answered him.

Minato glanced about nervously. There was no one in the room, nothing had changed.

That was the first and last time Minato had heard the Death God talk to him. And that was 12 damn years ago. After only one year, Minato had gone insane. He didn't know that he had, but he did. However, he eventually gained back his sanity. That took around 8 years. And for the last 3 years he had been meditating, hoping to be able to get out of the prison he had asked for. Over that time of meditation, Minato learned to 'piggyback' on the Death God's senses. The Death God was very aware of this fact, but didn't do anything to stop him. So Minato slowly learned what was going on in the world after 9 years through the Death God's various duties in dealing with souls.

Eventually, Minato came up with a solid plan; one that he was sure would work to help him escape.

While he saw what the Death God saw and listened to what the Death God heard and said, Minato discovered that the Death God was intrigued by the humans and their abilities. He enjoyed listening to their life story, and when he was impressed by certain individuals, he would grant them a second chance or a wish. Minato didn't have the chance to tell the God his story due to his technique, but he was sure that the God was impressed with his sealing. It was why he was in the God's stomach anyway. The God's twisted mind thought it was better than allowing him to go to hell or heaven or wherever it was that spirits went to when the bodies died.

He discovered that when the Death God collected a soul, the hatch above him opened for about 10 seconds. Minato had stored that fact away in his mind for later use when he had discovered it after a year of meditation, and it was a valuable piece of information.

Minato's plan counted on the fact that the God would be impressed by Minato's ability to escape, and thus would allow him to live once more or grant him passage to wherever he was destined to go. Otherwise Minato was stuck there for eternity.

Now, after approximately 12 years, Minato put his plan in action.

The Death God was summoned to a place where there were many deaths, like always. Minato, who was only focusing on the Death God's internal awareness level compared to his outer awareness, didn't know where they were. He closed his eyes, waiting for the small pulse that indicated that the God was about to collect another soul. After 5 minutes of waiting, a familiar pulse was released.

From the center of the oblong prison, Minato sprang into action. He had five seconds to get to the top of the room. Minato jumped, grabbed one of the lowest mole-like lumps and used it to propel himself to the next lump. He reached the top of the 6.5 meter room in three and a half seconds. One and half seconds later, the portal to freedom opened.

Minato jumped through.

The tunnel beyond the opening was about 1.5 meters (5 feet) wide. It was easy for Minato to climb up the vertical tube, slowly but surely. However he miscalculated how long the tube was.

After nearly 30 minutes of climbing, he stopped to rest. As a spirit, he no longer had access to chakra. That meant he had to climb the old fashioned way, which was hard on Minato. He had had no way to gain any exercise, nor did he think about it. He was now wishing he had.

He started climbing again, and 45 minutes later he reached his goal. The Death God's mouth.

Grinning, Minato climbed into the mouth, back first. Which was initially rather stupid, but it had been a long time since Minato had to actually _watch_ for danger. When he turned around, he nearly dropped back due to shock.

He recognized the arms that the God was eating. He knew who was being eaten, but what had the snake sannin done to deserve this?

Minato then realized that there was only one other man who could know this specific technique. One who was using it seal away his own student. Minato's eyes widened. The Third Hokage was sacrificing himself to seal Orochimaru, and if that was happening…

Then that meant that Orochimaru had betrayed Konoha.

Every fiber in Minato's spiritual body was furious. If there was one thing, above all, that Minato hated, it was a _traitor_. Staring at the arms, Minato recognized that the Sandaime was weakening when the arms began to pull back. He would have to help with that.

Minato grabbed the arms by the wrists, braced himself on the Death God's tongue, and pulled.

With the sudden force of which Minato used, the arms were tugged into the mouth up to the shoulder. Minato, grinning, continued pulling with increased strength. As the Fourth Hokage, it was his duty to protect Konoha in any way he could. And if Orochimaru was a traitor, he would to that duty to the best of his ability.

Even if to give up his chance at freedom and pull Orochimaru in to the Death God with him.

He kept pulling with all of his might, even though he could sense the Sandaime's strength weakening, ever so slightly.

"No…" Minato said. He pulled again and again, each time with more strength. "No…yes…" There! There was the shoulders. He knew the Sandaime holding on by his last threads.

"I've…" Minato struggled, trying to force the head in. If Minato was able to pull the head in, Orochimaru would live no longer.

"…got…"

He would become a shell, useless to the world except as a medical student's toy.

"…YOU!"

Orochimaru's expression of surprise, fear, and anger as he saw the Yondaime, grinning like a maniac, hold onto his wrists was worth the cost of freedom.

The Death God severed Orochimaru's head, shoulders, and arms from the rest of his spirit as his giant teeth closed down on the spirit's body. Minato almost grimaced as Orochimaru screamed in pain that no one should experience. The partial spirit fell onto the edge of the God's tongue, twitching in pain.

Minato grinned as he stared at the severed sannin. "I hope you enjoy your stay here, Orochi-kun. You're about to make my afterlife a lot more entertaining." Laughing, Minato picked up the sannin's spirit and threw him at the tunnel which had taken him 75 minutes to climb. "Hope you have a pleasant life in there, Orochimaru!"

Minato then turned to look at the teeth of the Death God. It was his final obstacle, the last barrier between him and freedo-

"Ah, I thought I felt someone helping me out."

Minato whipped around in surprise and slipped on a particularly large and slippery taste bud. His fall was met with an odd chuckle of sorts.

Minato walked forward to get a better look. "Sarutobi-sama?" He asked.

The old man stood on the center of the Death God's tongue in all his aged glory. The prized Hokage hat was gone, but robes stayed. Minato was surprised to find him hunched over, a small reminder of the Hokage's true age in comparison to the countless wrinkles that covered his face.

Sarutobi smiled. "It is me, Minato. I had hoped to see you in here. I believe that I am to thank you for helping me bring in at least a part my old student with us?"

Minato nodded. "Yeah. He's down there waiting for you."

Sarutobi glanced at the back of the mouth. "I'm sure he is…"

"…If I may sir, why were you fighting with him? The only news I've been able to gather is from the spirits that my- sorry, our host collects." Minato asked hesitantly. It had been a long time since he had talked with someone. He shoved his nervousness to the bottom of stomach.

The Sandaime sighed. "It is a rather long story. Do you wish to hear it?"

Minato gestured to the mouth around them. "Sarutobi-sama, I believe we have an eternity to share our stories with each other."

Sarutobi nodded. "Well, it started a little bit after the Kyuubi attack. Orochimaru had been becoming more secretive than Jiraiya or myself were comfortable with…" Sarutobi began his tale, telling Minato of Orochimaru's betrayal and of Jiraiya keeping tabs on him through his spy network. He began his story of the recent Chuunin exams. When Sarutobi mentioned that Orochimaru placed a seal on Naruto and Sasuke, Minato stopped him.

"Naruto was fighting in the Chuunin exams?" Minato asked, wishing to hear more about his boy. He hoped that the villagers would honor him and see the boy as a hero, but he knew that this hadn't happened because of what some dead spirits said. A couple momths back a young boy, Haku, had told the Death God of a blonde leaf ninja who had protected his teammates with his life and had unleashed a power unlike any other to defeat him. Minato recognized the boy of Haku's story to be his son when Haku had told the Death God Naruto's name. That had been the last he had heard about his son, and he wanted to know more.

"Yes, he was." The Sandaime replied. "He should be promoted to chuunin, but I am not sure if it will happen."

"Oh." Minato looked away before turning back to ask another question.

Or he would have except that the floor, or rather the giant tongue of the Death God, attempted to swallow them.

"What the-!"

Minato jumped and held onto a head-sized mole lump that was stuck on the side of the upper gums. Sarutobi wasn't so lucky. At first, the older Hokage attempted to hold on with chakra. However, being a spirit being, he no longer had the physical energy to create chakra. So when Sarutobi found that he was going to be swallowed if he didn't move that instant, he jumped towards a nice, unusually smooth, bigger-than-a-head sized mole lump that was hanging from the ceiling and held on for his life.

Minato's eyes widened. Sarutobi hadn't grabbed onto one of the normal, ugly, mole lump. He had grabbed onto what seemed to be the Death God's uvula.

In human beings, the uvula was an organ of mystery to the medical world. Its exact function was unknown, but was known was that it was connected to the gagging reflex.

What function it had for God was unknown.

"**YOU IDIOTIC MORTA--"**

The booming sound of the Death God was cut off as a blast of a sickly wind raged from the tunnel. The Sandaime and Yondaime were tossed forward. They would've hit the sharp teeth if the mouth hadn't opened as soon as the wind came. Minato and Sarutobi hit the ground with a thud, one dazed and utterly confused. They didn't notice Orochimaru's upper body as it was thrown into the air, landing a couple meters from Sarutobi. Minato soon got his breath back, and looked at the towering Death God, who stared at them with a furious gaze.

Minato stared back, unwilling to give the God any ground. Sarutobi recovered and chose that moment to stay quiet.

The God and the Yondaime continued staring at each other, the God's face getting closer and closer to the ground. When the Death God's face was about a meter away from the Fourth, Minato did something unexpected.

He stuck out his tongue at the God of Death.

Sarutobi nearly laughed at the sight, but refrained due to his fear of the wrath that the God would incur on him if he did.

The Death God backed up at this change of behavior from his prisoner. **"Why have you done this, mortal? Touching a God's doonkshwa is forbidden!"**

"Huh?" Minato asked, "You meant the uvila thing? That was an accident. You _were_ going to swallow us… but why is it forbidden?"

"**Do you not know what would happen if Fate ralphed? What if the Goddess of the Sun, Ameterasu, puked? The damage would be endless! You are rather lucky that it was me who happened to have the misfortune of an old man activate my gag reflex. My stomach contains nothing but the stale air of death… and you.**The Death God paused. **"I was going to swallow simply because wished to rid myself of the horrid taste of a bitter mortal."**

"Bitter? You must be talking about Orochimaru!" Minato said, a grin on his face. Sarutobi began to wonder if all that time had made the Fourth go insane the way he was talking so casually with the Death God.

"**You misunderstand, mortal. All humans taste horrid and bitter to me. They taste of death, and death is not a pleasant taste to leave on one's tongue."** The Death God stated. **"Now, why were you not in my stomach?"**

"Well…" Minato paused, "I was going to escape, but then I saw Orochimaru, who I figured out was a traitor if the only other man alive, with whom I would trust my life if I had one, was using the same technique I did. So I decided to help pull him in."

The Death God stared at the blonde mortal in front of him. He was escaping? No one had escaped the Death God's stomach before they had been digested (which took about 1,000-3,000 years, depending on how powerful the person was).

"I guess I did escape, even if it was on accident because of Sarutobi-sama." Minato mused to himself as the God quickly grabbed Orochimaru's soul as it tried to crawl away. The God almost laughed out loud, but settled for swallowing the half-soul. Maybe he should've been more aware of the man who learned to use his senses. He knew the man had been planning something, but to escape and actually succeed? Well, the blond haired mortal certainly had guts, and enough of them to impress the Death God.

"**Okay mortal, what is it that you want?" **Minato was surprised. The Death God was granting him a wish? He only did that with people that impressed… oh, right. He should've known that was coming.

"Well, first I want Sarutobi-sama to be able to go to heaven and rest peacefully instead of having to deal with that partial-snake Orochimaru." The Death God nodded in agreement. It was a reasonable request.

"And I want to see my son." The Death God nodded in agreement, ignoring the fact that the older mortal had nearly fallen over in surprise.

"**I will allow this. However, I have my conditions."**

Minato nodded, expecting as much. There was nothing he more he could use, no more aces up his sleeve.

"**I still need payment for the jutsu that you used when you sealed the Kyuubi. I will not release you unless I gain a different soul in return."**

Minato tensed. How was he supposed to-

"**Do not worry about who it shall be. Just know this. You will see your son. But you will experience what you did in my stomach; you will be stuck in a cage you cannot be released from. There will be no escaping this cage, not matter how familiar it may be."**

The Yondaime didn't quite understand what the Death God was saying. He knew he would return to a cage, one that he wouldn't be able to escape from. But he would see his son, that had to count for something, right? A fierce determination came over Minato. He would see his son.

Minato looked the Death God straight in the eye.

"I accept you're conditions."

"**So be it**.**"**

Minato disappeared in a beam of blood red light, leaving Sarutobi alone with the Death God to discuss the conditions of his release.

He woke up in a strange, dark sewer. Looking around, Minato saw that the darkness seemed to go on forever. He turned to see that the only light source emanated from behind about a half dozen medium-sized bars.

Minato was in a cage.

Depressed, he remembered that the Death God had forewarned him. He had been told that he would be stuck inside a cage again, one that he wouldn't be getting out of.

Beyond the bars was a room. The walls were covered in pipes that dripped every once in a while. Minato was simply glad that they didn't resemble the organ he had been forced to live in for the past 12 years. There was only one entrance to the room; an opening on the far wall where the sewer continued on, just like before.

Minato sighed. At least this time he could pass the time asleep; he could feel a light exhaustion overtaking him.

He lied down, his head resting on two, criss-crossed furry red paws that he took no notice of. Closing his large demonic eyes, Minato let a light sleep took him. He experienced his first dream in 12 years in which he sat with his wife Kushina, waiting for the moment that their son would come home from his first day in the academy…

A few moments later, the small beaten form of 12-year-old Uzumaki Naruto appeared out of nowhere in front of the cage and yelled,

"_OI! Kyuubi! Give me you're power or we'll both __**die**__!"_

**Author's Note:**

**Originally, I had the idea of Minato escaping from the death god and helping Sarutobi fight Orochimaru in a physical form or something. However, I decided against it and went with other ideas. I had a little trouble deciding on what plot bunny to keep and which one to toss, but I eventually decided on the one you have just finished reading.**

**Anyway, I don't really know where this came from. It just did. It will stay a one-shot, until I finish both The Missing Hokage Challenge and In His Shadow (which I just finished the first chapter of. It's currently being beta-ed by Lupanari and Stalker of Stories needs to go over the revised ending before it is posted) or if someone wants to adopt it. I'm totally open to that. **

**I would like some opinions on some of the ideas. As the author, I'm curious as to if my (slightly twisted) sense of humor is funny to others. So if you review, please comment on the parts that made you laugh, any dialogue that could use some fixing up (fight scenes included), or just plain ideas. I am aware that some things in here aren't entirely canon, however I'm not entirely inclined to actually change that. Unless it's something major/minor or plain odd with my reasoning that a reviewer convinces me I need to fix.**

**I ended up sketching chibi Minato and Sarutobi in the God's mouth just as Sarutobi is grabbing onto the God's uvula during my Psychology class. It's awesome. X3**

**Thanks for reading!**

**~Corselli**


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